Imperfect confidence

I honestly wish my form teacher would quit being so irritating and cut it out. She called home again and Mum came all the way to school. I didn't skip school, for God's sake! Meh. (Please refer to previous post for insights.) I used to think she's like, a really nice and lenient teacher or something but I guess my view is pretty warped. Seriously, don't let the nice demeanor deceive you.. BEHIND THE BUNDLES AND BUNDLES OF "NICE-NESS", THERE IS A TREACHEROUS MEAN BITCH LURKING BENEATH. I'm serious, y'know?

Oh and when Mum was lecturing me, she was trying to 火上加油?? FUCKING SHIT. (I'm trying my best not to swear if you haven't took notice. :/) You cannot see we're in the corridor with lots of students passing by and staring at us is it? I know your face is safe or whatsoever but I'm also human, okie? I also have feelings and emotions what but I know you secretly enjoyed the fact that I was sort of humiliated in public, right? _!_ It's all right, bitch. I understand 'cause I'm quite a bitch myself so I know how it feels like to be a bitch. \m/

!@#$%^&*! Geebus cries, she's so annoying. I think she deliberately wants to bring trouble and disrupt the harmonious peace in my life. *insert angry smiley face emoticon* Thinking about her kind of makes me fume so let's digress, shall we?

I managed to get my forecast results today. Thanks to CT Academic with writing/printing the letter and all. I wouldn't say (and really don't have the nerve to say so) my results are good because I should be embarrassed/ashamed. However, compared to my past results from Berkala tests, Semester exams and whatnot, my forecast's are obviously better. As a matter of fact, much better.

I'm now worried about getting into a good college/university or whatever. (WHAT ARE THE REQUIREMENTS AH?!) I'm afraid that my SPM results wouldn't match up to my forecast results and I would be forced to withdraw from my selected course or something, wtf. Is it possible or am I thinking too much? I wish somebody could enlighten me and whatnot. I'm a stranger to such stuffs and it is all so foreign, gah. *insert upset smiley face emoticon*

A1 for English, A2 for Biology, B4 for Moral, C5 for Chemistry, C6 for Mathematics, C6 for Additional Mathematics, C6 for Malay, 8E for Accounting and 8E for History. Hmm.. CAN MAKE IT ONE OR NOT??! Leave me comments and tell meeeee. I am in dire need of help, kay? Please and thanks.

Meanwhile, I'm going2bed and sleep my worries away. \o/ G'night and dream sweet, peeps.

P/S: The lies seep through my teeth so effortlessly.

It’s time I learn that it’s not a matter of saying the right words or singing the right songs,
And I keep telling myself just grow up.
Its so easy to say, but so much harder to do.
To Kill This - This Providence

Actions speak louder than words

I should stop bending and breaking every rule there is. I should stop getting caught and finding trouble. I should stop being a disappointment to everyone and a fucking disgrace to my family.

I say it over and over again but when will I really stop? Is it really that easy? To feel restricted, the lack of trust, the I-am-seventeen-why-can't-you-just-leave-me-alone-and-stop-treating-me-like-a-kid and yeah, all that.. How would any of you understand? I know girls are always at the losing end but that doesn't mean we can't hang out with guys at night and stuff. Why is it that just because you judge some of my friends and suspect they're bad influences then I can't hang out with them at all? Everyone has a certain influence - good or bad - does it really matter? If we are too cautious about meeting people, we might as well just lock ourselves in a cave and never see the sunlight. Now, tell me.. Would you like that? So, please don't blame me when I lie or whatever. I'd like to think of 'em as cover-up stories.

-

Mum came to school today because my fucking form teacher called home, yet again. I was at Baby's place when my phone rang (and the caller ID showed it was from home), I was a little freaked so I let it ring until it died. I called Eunice up to check and stuff (who's at school) and she said all was fine at school and the teacher didn't even peep a word or anything. I was pretty confused by then but I was starting to freak out. My phone started to ring again and it was still from home. I picked it up and Mum started bombarding with questions in a really harsh manner, questioning where am I and all. She said school called home and asked why am I absent and all that shit. I lied to her saying I was at school and she told me she's coming to school right that instant. My heart sank and I felt my knees buckle a little beneath me.

I was totally on freaked out mode by then. I told Baby and the both of us hurriedly got ourselves heading for school. Baby offered to drive me 'cause I s'pose it was pretty obvious that I was a nervous wreck and there was no way I could drive safely to school in time. I also called Eunice up to tell all my classmates and other friends to be in it with me, telling them to say that all of them saw me in school in the morning. All the way from Baby's place to school, my heart was hammering against my chest and my mind was in a cluster of mess. I was trying to sieve up excuses which would sound at least convincing.

Baby dropped me off and helped me parked my car. (In case you're wondering, he hid in Aaron's car after that.) I rushed off into class without even looking back. Eunice got all of my classmates and my other friends to be in it with me already and all we had to worry about now was making up a convincing excuse. Mum wasn't at school yet, thankfully. So yeah, I had more time. :)

I was pretty crossed with my form teacher 'though. Whatever you say won't change the fact that she is a treacherous bitch. (You have no idea all the bullshit she told my mother, wtf.) You might say that she's doing me a favour and I would thank her in the future. Nuh-uh, no thanks. I don't think I would 'cause I am a very cautious person. I may be very easily influenced by peers but I know there are limits to everything. And I definitely wouldn't betray myself and give it all up for my boyfriend...unless we're engaged or married. I don't condone pre-marital sex and the fear of jeopardizing my future and everything 'cause of getting pregnant overwhelms me all the time. So yeah, I know what I'm doing and I love myself too much to let myself go at the age of seventeen or any age soon.

... Oh, the rest of the story is for me to know and for you to find out.

Pain means pleasure

This evening feels so surreal.

Sunsets and piggy-back rides, watching the waves rolling in, gazing at the stars glimmering against the vast night sky, having little talks and whispering mellifluous utterances, sinking into the cushioned car seats next to each other, holding hands and melting into each others' embraces, meeting lip-to-lip while arms and hands encircling waist and bodies, caressing the skin with kisses and smooching with growing hunger. It's a pity that the night ended too soon, too early and too abruptly as well.

But oh well. We're still young. Heh heh, wtf.

When I tell you I love you, I don't say it out of habit or to start a conversation.. I say it to remind you that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.

P/S: Ahem, please don't think too much. I'm posting for the fun of it. Well, kind of.

Higher than the clouds

"I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me. Love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person. Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of. Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you."
— The OC
I have a silly grin plastered onto my face and I can't wipe it off. \o/ I doubt it would wear off soon or something. Rofl, wtf. 'Cause something quite significant happened? OKAY, I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW. All I know is that I'm on cloud nine and it takes more than ANYTHING to pull me back down to ground right now. Enough said. (L)

(K)(K)(K)
P/S: I like nuzzling into my boyfriend's chest, wtf. Just a random thought. :)

I am all over the place

I'm back home early from school 'cause I'm not feeling too well. :/

I waited one whole hour for Mummy to come and fetch me when I could have easily drove home. Seriously, screw the school and its stupid rules. Oh, screw Mum for being so by-the-book as well.

My head was throbbing and spinning, my tummy was totally fuxed up. All I really wanted to do was head home, my comfort zone but no-o-o, I needed either one of my parents or whoever to come to school and sign me out and all. At some point, I broke down in frustration. !@#$%^&* WML.

I'm feeling very bitchy.

Like, hello?? Can the school not be a teensy more considerate? And seriously, Mr Tan's attitude towards students reeks. How can he possibly expect students to respect him as a teacher or whatsoever when he doesn't even respect us in the slightest bit? _!_ Ugh, whatever.


!@#$%^&* I feel so-o-o lousyyy right now. 26 mere days to SPM. I am all over the place. Scattered. I can't bring myself together. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, seriously.

X
X
X

“I want to be the girl who he thinks is the cutest. Not necessarily the “hottest” or the “prettiest”, but the cutest. Because hotness refers to the body, and God knows mine isn’t perfect. Pretty refers to the face and I know plenty of girls prettier than me. But cuteness is referring to every imperfection that he loves. Every weird little habit. The funny little things that make me different from every other girl he could have. All of the little things that he notices and adores. I want to be that girl.”

I miss my boyfriend.. :( More than I ever intended to.

All eyes on me

I HAVE A STORY TO TELL!














Once upon a time, I...

Click here for more.

我不想忘记你

我在向前走却像在退后
我在用想念狂欢寂寞
越快乐就越失落
爱将我们高高举起以后
再让心学会坠落
怀念这宽阔的天空
虽然那里空气很稀薄

我努力想起你笑着哭泣
让自己深爱你再学会放弃
我不想忘记你
就算可以
我宁可记得所有伤心
我努力想起你哭也没关系
用祝福和感激勇敢失去你
爱你这个决定
虽然艰辛
我不说对不起

一个人不懂什么是拥有
两个人不懂怎么把握
越在乎就越脆弱
爱将我们高高举起以后
再让心学会坠落
怀念这宽阔的天空
虽然那里空气很稀薄

我努力想起你笑着哭泣
让自己深爱你再学会放弃
我不想忘记你
就算可以
我宁可记得所有伤心
我努力想起你哭也没关系
用祝福和感激勇敢失去你
爱你这个决定
虽然艰辛
我不说对不起

我努力想起你笑着哭泣
让自己深爱你再学会放弃
我不想忘记你
就算可以
我宁可记得所有伤心
我努力想起你哭也没关系
用祝福和感激勇敢失去你
爱你这个决定
虽然艰辛
我不说对不起

I can try for your love

It takes 300 million people to make this world.
But I only need you, to make mine. :)
Lao chai head! My throat fwaking hurtsss from coughing. It's mother effing painful when I cough, know?? Worse still, my cough isn't getting better.. IT IS ONLY GETTING WORSE, WML.

P/S: WML = Want My Life. FML is too cliche. Hah hah, wtf. I IX JOKING.

On another note,
I CAN DO MAGIKKK!
I saved my blog from excessive ugliness. Hah. Too bad I can't make my cough go away, sucks2max.

Sooo.. Uhm, what you think? Of my new layout. Heh. :)

Like a star,

I was *cough* secretly out tonight.

Eunice, DB and I didn't go for BM tuition and headed to Imperial to watch the beauty contest thingy instead. Baby skipped his tuition as well. So did Aaron but he didn't join us. Heh. It's not our fault that Imperial + beauty contest thingy sounded less boring and tempted us, okie? Hah hah, wtf.

The place was crowded with people when we got there. I could barely see anything due to my midget height, wtf. I managed to catch a couple of glimpses 'though. The contestants from the beauty contest are all freaking gorgeous, I tell you. *bow head down in inferiority* Oh well. Wo zhao yi ren ming le? Hah hah.

After getting bored with watching the contest thing, we headed to Siamese Secrets and met up with Aaron and Rui Haw. Yumcha-ed and lastly, headed home. :)

Nothing's the same,

My itchy hands and I screwed my layout. \o/ MEH! I'm so lazy to re-do everything, wtf. So yeah, whateverrr.

I'VE GOT THE POWWWAAH! Rofl, wtf. Sorry, random.

That ix all. Kthxbai. ^^V

This will be the last straw,

I think I got myself into some deep shit. :< Cow dung, cow dunggg.

No, I don't wanna look for trouble. Gosh, I can't get in trouble. T3T Not now.

For the past few days and weeks, I've been doing all sort of things that reeked of trouble but I never really got myself into trouble.. Not yet. Perhaps, it's luck? I ain't sure but I think it is for real now. I'm gonna be damned for life. \o/

Sucks4me. There is nobody I can talk to right now because I don't think they would understand. They would even judge me, I guess? As much as I want to be a saint, I'm not. I'm a sinner. My sins...can circle the earth for a couple of rounds, I think. Ugh, when will I ever learn?? Le sigh. Wake up, Xin. It is time to wake up.

I can only hope everything's gonna be all right, guh. :/

Stay close, don't go.

Bby, I'm so sorry. I love you. :(

I neglected your feelings and was utterly oblivious to the fact that my actions would hurt you. It was selfish of me, I'm sorry. Thank you for forgiving me and giving me chances over and over again.

I love you so much. I'm so lucky to have you as mine. Heh. I promise I'll try not to neglect your feelings again. I will learn to be a better girlfriend from now on. :)



P/S: I need to get my ass down to studying. :/ SPM is a month away. Oh, God.

Kannilaohia kan bu si,

I'm so pissed2max with Mum. Uggghh, I'm so angry with her. Ugh, ugh, ugh!!! And we all know that I always resort to crying when I'm furious or frustrated. UGH, I CANNOT CRY. Fuck it, fuck it, FWAK IT!

As if I never told her about a couple of billion times that I hate it when she wears my stuffs. I mean, I would be okay if she asked me or something.. Or at least told me earlier about it. But she fucking doesn't. Not once, not ever. On top of it, IT MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL WHEN SHE ESPECIALLY CHOOSES MY 'NEW' STUFFS TO WEAR?!!?!

CALL ME SELFISH BUT SHE'S A FUCKING JINX. I let her wear my slippers and she fucking breaks 'em. It didn't only happen to a pair and she doesn't even bother to apologize or make amendments or whatever, y'know?? INSTEAD OF ALL THE THINGS SHE COULD HAVE DONE TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER, SHE SCOLDS AND PUTS THE BLAME ON ME WHEN I RANT. Or like, she tries to divert the fault and all onto other things?! Like, it isn't her fault that she's so rough and doesn't handle things with a little bit of care?? FUCK IT.

I SAVED MY OWN POCKET MONEY TO BUY THE THINGS SHE DOESN'T BUY FOR ME, ALL RIGHT?!! Like, my slippers. As she always thinks and says that I have way too many shoes to wear but is it my fault that shoes have a certain age limit?? My shoes are all old and tattered! But no-o-o, she thinks as long as they are still able to be worn, it's okay. I'm not her please, I care about my appearance. Fuck it.

FUCK IT, FUCK IT, FWWWAKKKK IT! I never swore in the longest time. Thanks alot, Mum. Thanks a fucking bunch. \m/

Now, what in the name of God am I going to wear to tuition which I am running late for?! *moan in frustration* Kannilaohia kan bu si.

Forever and always,

Happy 2nd Monthsary, Baby.
I lab yooszx many many. (K) Teehee.

Inferior

There is this family dinner thing at my home yesterday. Abigail and etc are back from Aussie. ABIGAIL IS FUCKING TALL NOW. And I seriously think she has bigger boobs than me now, wtf-ness. God, she is ONLY twelve. Well, coming thirteen this year-end. FML! Oh, God.

Ashely (Ab's elder sister) is still so pretty and Jonathon (another guy cousin from Canada) is still hot as ever, wtf.

Love ain't always complicated,

I can honestly say that I don't believe in the word - forever. Neither do I believe in the term - happily ever after. Words and terms as such only happen in fairytales. We're not living a fairytale, we're living in reality.

I loved in the past, I will love again in the future but I love you now. You are my current, you are my present, you are the love of my life now. Nothing else matters. :)

Vulnerable,

Hi. I ix nao at Kah Yee's, using her computer.

It ix all. Kbai.

Vanity Affair

Mascara, diamante earrings,

a black dress,

and bronze eyeshadow.

- C.