I should stop bending and breaking every rule there is. I should stop getting caught and finding trouble. I should stop being a disappointment to everyone and a fucking disgrace to my family.
I say it over and over again but when will I really stop? Is it really that easy? To feel restricted, the lack of trust, the I-am-seventeen-why-can't-you-just-leave-me-alone-and-stop-treating-me-like-a-kid and yeah, all that.. How would any of you understand? I know girls are always at the losing end but that doesn't mean we can't hang out with guys at night and stuff. Why is it that just because you judge some of my friends and suspect they're bad influences then I can't hang out with them at all? Everyone has a certain influence - good or bad - does it really matter? If we are too cautious about meeting people, we might as well just lock ourselves in a cave and never see the sunlight. Now, tell me.. Would you like that? So, please don't blame me when I lie or whatever. I'd like to think of 'em as cover-up stories.
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Mum came to school today because my fucking form teacher called home, yet again. I was at Baby's place when my phone rang (and the caller ID showed it was from home), I was a little freaked so I let it ring until it died. I called Eunice up to check and stuff (who's at school) and she said all was fine at school and the teacher didn't even peep a word or anything. I was pretty confused by then but I was starting to freak out. My phone started to ring again and it was still from home. I picked it up and Mum started bombarding with questions in a really harsh manner, questioning where am I and all. She said school called home and asked why am I absent and all that shit. I lied to her saying I was at school and she told me she's coming to school right that instant. My heart sank and I felt my knees buckle a little beneath me.
I was totally on freaked out mode by then. I told Baby and the both of us hurriedly got ourselves heading for school. Baby offered to drive me 'cause I s'pose it was pretty obvious that I was a nervous wreck and there was no way I could drive safely to school in time. I also called Eunice up to tell all my classmates and other friends to be in it with me, telling them to say that all of them saw me in school in the morning. All the way from Baby's place to school, my heart was hammering against my chest and my mind was in a cluster of mess. I was trying to sieve up excuses which would sound at least convincing.
Baby dropped me off and helped me parked my car. (In case you're wondering, he hid in Aaron's car after that.) I rushed off into class without even looking back. Eunice got all of my classmates and my other friends to be in it with me already and all we had to worry about now was making up a convincing excuse. Mum wasn't at school yet, thankfully. So yeah, I had more time. :)
I was pretty crossed with my form teacher 'though. Whatever you say won't change the fact that she is a treacherous bitch. (You have no idea all the bullshit she told my mother, wtf.) You might say that she's doing me a favour and I would thank her in the future. Nuh-uh, no thanks. I don't think I would 'cause I am a very cautious person. I may be very easily influenced by peers but I know there are limits to everything. And I definitely wouldn't betray myself and give it all up for my boyfriend...unless we're engaged or married. I don't condone pre-marital sex and the fear of jeopardizing my future and everything 'cause of getting pregnant overwhelms me all the time. So yeah, I know what I'm doing and I love myself too much to let myself go at the age of seventeen or any age soon.
... Oh, the rest of the story is for me to know and for you to find out.
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