I was going to accept him, welcome him back into my life but the moment I opened my friend requests, I no longer see him there and I know.. I know instantly that his pride won him over, that he thinks I don't want him back in my life and wants nothing to do with him but it's not like that, it's nothing like that. I want him back in my life. The moment I saw him gone, a surge of sadness washes over me and I frantically wanted him back in my life. So bloody much. It's because at that moment of time, it felt like I wasn't going to have another chance to have him back. It honestly felt like I was going to lose him forever and for good.
I don't expect us to be lovers nor do I even expect us to talk to each other and be close again. I just want to be friends, nothing more and nothing less. I want to be able to know that he's doing perfectly fine and that he is truly happy with his life and love. I want to see his rare status updates and second guess the meaning behind it, ponder if he's talking about me and if I ever cross his mind.
I took my sweet time to decide if I should accept him because I wasn't sure if I was ready to have him appearing in my sight and life again, to be constantly reminded of him everyday. When he comes into sight, he comes into mind. And quite often, he stays there lingering in my mind accompanied by many memories longer than he should. I didn't know if I could handle him being in my thoughts all the time.
But I guess I wouldn't have the need to think through anymore. Perhaps and just perhaps, our fate has reached it's end and memories are all we have left of each other. It is a fact that I am going to have to face and swallow down.
Six months. So, the maximum span of time I am giving myself to let go of him very completely, with not a single trace of him left and forget of our past together is six months. The date is our 2nd year anniversary.
4 comments:
i sayang la.. dun sad liao
cheer up :)
Hahah hi Katak. Uhm, okay.
Hi, and thanks. :)
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