You're not sorry

...and I am crying. Even alcohol isn't helping me this time around.


You don't get it, do you? I keep praying and hoping you would try to understand the fact that I have feelings but you're too selfish to think about it. You don't care about me. It's times like now that I hate that I care so much. Way too much, in fact. No matter how much tears you have ever made me cry, I can't bring myself to hate you for it. I hate myelf more.

I don't know why I put myself through this misery and endure the shit you put me through time and time again. At times, I really wish to walk away and never look back but I've already gave in too much to back out. I am gradually growing weary of the constant battles with my feelings and emotions. I am slowly growing tired of you and all the crap you have me endure all the time.


I have to face the fact that you will always let me down. After everything I've done and all the chances I've handed right to you, you would still break my heart. You will never change because that's who you are. I love you and I probably will for a very long time but if loving you comes with so much pain, I can't and won't stay forever. It hurts too much and one can only take so much. I'm going to move on, one day, when I am done. I wish you would understand by then.

I don't want to hurt anymore. At least just for today. Today, I am a free woman. I am not going give a rat's ass shit about you and I am going to do whatever I desire. Today, I am gaining my strength back and there's nothing you can do. I am going to stop caring, even if it is just for a day.