I wish you still loved me

It's my birthday today but right at this very, very moment, all I want to do is cry. Last year this day, I still had you with me, as mine. This year this day, I am all alone without you and you have somebody else by your side.

I keep trying to convince myself that I am over you and that I no longer love you but who am I kidding, really? I may say I don't love you anymore but my actions show otherwise. I just want to forget us, forget you, forget all I ever felt for you. What do I need to do to erase the memories of us from my mind? I just can't accept that you don't feel anything for me anymore and that you're in love with someone else. I can't stand seeing you and her being so happy together, I can't keep faking it.

I don't know who to tell or who to go to because they keep telling me that I need time and that I need to move on. I know that too because that's what I keep telling myself.

I still care so much about you and I'd trade anything in the world to be in your arms and namefully yours but things are so different now. Do you have any idea how much I wish that night when you held me while we were dancing that it was true and that you still felt for me? And when you asked me why did I leave so soon is because you honestly wanted me to stay and you have been missing me, not because you were drunk? I still hope, I keep hoping but it is killing me.

I've been receiving Facebook comments, text messages, calls wishing me happy birthday whole day long but truthfully, I've only been waiting for one. I keep staring at my cellphone, just waiting and hoping for a text from you. Just a mere text would make my day, make my birthday but I receive nothing from you and then, I am reminded of how you have her now and that you love her. Why would you even think of me, right? Why would you even remember my birthday and bother to send me a text?

I never once cried again ever since the second day we broke up because it honestly felt like my heart died when the reality set in that you don't love me anymore and no matter what I did or said could no longer your salvage our love, your love for me.

My heart is closed off from love, from anyone at all who wants to enter. I have no idea how long would it take for my heart to open up again. It took me almost two years the last time I had my heart broken. I just wish I could stop feeling so miserable. The sooner, the better.

(You did, in the end. You texted me and wished me a Happy Birthday. Thank you.)