I keep going through the songs on my iTunes but I can't seem to find the perfect song that sings my heart out because I can't decipher my feelings. You know how when you have many different colours of playdough and you lump it all together to form one big glob of playdough with a lot of assorted colours? That's how my feelings are now.
I met her today when I was chilling at Starbucks with my friends. His new girlfriend. Don't stretch your imagination because no, there was no cat fight, no stare down and no exchange of cuss words. I didn't even bother to look at her and her friends. I was composed because neither him nor her is any of my business and it's their life, their love. Not mine.
Truthfully 'though, I am supposed to feel like a wreck, I guess? But I don't feel anything, not even sadness. My friend told me that I am numbed by the pain but how can I be numbed by the pain when there wasn't any pain to begin with? I guess I've been disappointed so many times, not giving a fuck is almost a reflex. I can't cry and I feel utterly dead inside, like a hollow shell. I got hurt, really hurt before. And I guess sometimes when that happens, something inside you just shuts off.
That something inside me that shut off? I think it's my heart because I can no longer feel for anyone.
4 comments:
I wrote something similar in my journal the other day. Something similar to your play dough theory.
I understand what you are going through and I just want to tell you while it all seems bleak now, one day you WILL feel again.
*HUGS*
You did? o_o Your blog? Lol wtf. I din know. And thank you. :) But I think I like it now.. I think. This not feeling a thing :)
Journal, hand-writted. Not in my blog. There's no way you could have known :)
Yea time alone to do some soul searching. Find that peace from within. You can do it.
Maybe our minds can telepath wtf HAHAHA! You keep a journal? That's awesome, but do you keep up everyday? I can never keep up writing a journal. Usually lasts for less th 2 weeks, lol! And thanks, that's what I'm gonna do. :)
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