I wish I could be fourteen again

I wish I could be fourteen again.

I was naive. I didn't know back then that one of my mere inane actions would bear lifelong consequences; I didn't know the consequences came with so much irony and agony as well. If only I could be fourteen again, I would change the one thing that brought so much remorse and misery upon myself - the slip of forbidden words.

Don't judge me.

-

At times when I've done something wrong, I tend to mentally write an argument stating that I'm not completely at fault. Most of the time, I manage to convince myself. However, in reality, I know I am screwed.

I hate confrontation. I can't handle it because I get teary-eyed, jittery and I blabber...a whole lot. I just can't handle a real life, face-to-face confrontation. Therefore, I sometimes get too scared to apologize for my mistake or confront someone about something that has gone all wrong and inexplicable.

Oh and ultimately, I hate admitting that I am wrong. (Hey, don't look at me in a different light - you know you all do, too. Pfft.)

Long story entry short, I'm sorry for being a shit friend. I know I could still come up with thousands of excuses to explain myself but I realized that nothing will ever, ever be right if I don't apologize.

I really hope you could forgive me and things will be okay because I really miss talking to you or having you to talk to - but if you want to break ties with me and whatnot, then there isn't really anything I could do about it besides respecting your choice.


I already dwelled on too long and if I don't come clean now, I don't know when will I ever pick up the courage to again.