I dug my own grave

Have you ever had that feeling, that feeling of having your dreams crushed? I have and it hurts so fuckg bad.

I don't even have faith in myself, how do I expect them to have faith in me? I don't think I can fix this, it's going to be hard. It hurts so much to hear the things they say and think about me but I can't be who they want me to be.


I am depressed. All I do is cry and weep these few days. My thoughts are tangled and I can't seem to articulate words coherently. I am such a huge disappointment to myself and my family. The war hasn't even started and I am already waving my white flag.

I think about how I am going let my Dad down again (plus the ample of times I had let him down in the past) and tears begin to gather in my eyes. I feel like I am such a disgrace. I have no clue why but my Dad means so much to me. It hurts me to see him disappointed and upset. I don't want to yet I tend to let it happen time and time again.

I feel like I am so far away from everything. My studies, my future and everything else in-between. Why am I dwelling and still not moving forward? It hits me in waves.

Growing up sucks the soul out of me yet I am at a crucial phase in my life that no matter how unwilling I am to give in, I am forced to grow up.

P/S: I'm graduating in less than a week's time. My secondary school life would be considered over. *gasp* I don't want to graduate so soon please, wtf. Stab me.

"You can’t stop loving or wanting to love because when its right, it’s the best thing in the world. When you’re in a relationship and it’s good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete."
- Keith Sweat