I can forgive but I can never forget

I can't sleep and there is an awful lot on my mind tonight. I only wish I could stay the whole night up and let my mind wander with no boundaries but I need to sleep. I need all the rest I can get for Account paper tomorrow which I am mighty confident that I am going to screw up and get a fucken' G9. I can already foresee it. So, fuck my life.

I just want to be happy. I'm okay right now and that's better than being miserable but I keep having this feeling of not wanting to wake up or just simply not to try anymore. I am suffocating. I think I deserve a break, y'know?

I'm so sick of using the same words over and over again and I am so fucken' tired of doing the same things over and over again. I don't know how to get out, I don't know how to move. I feel so fucking lifeless.

My eyelids are starting to feel heavy but my mind won't let me rest.

I think I can kind of figure what's one of the problems with me. I can forgive but I can never fucking forget. I want to forget but I just fucking can't. This...feeling or something follows me wherever I go like a fucking shadow and it haunts me all the time. I wish it would stop and I only wish that wishes would come true.

Fuck my life, fuck everything. I'm going to bed.