when everything is gone, when everything has fallen out of place, who will remember me?

Streamyucks is seriously fucked up, seriously. And this.. This piercing pain in my guts (GASTRIC LAH?!) is agonizing. It makes me want to curl into a ball and fall into deep sleep but I can't.. I still have one million and one things to do, I can't just fall asleep. I need to do them tonight. Yet, I'm still here. I'm not looking forward to tommorow, *winces* I don't wish to wake up the next day.


Okay, I can see where this (post) is heading. It's gonna be another "emo" one again. Ugh, *grimace* these pent-up thoughts and emotions have to go, y'know. I AM CONTEMPLATING ON GETTING MYSELF A NEW (PRIVATE) BLOG OR DIARY. So, shut the fuck up. You're not obliged to read all this bullshit I write, you may leave if you want to. Okay? Now, leave me alone and let me be.

I always feel this way when I'm around them,
lost and really out of place.
I really can't think of anything to say when I'm around them,
I don't really understand why.
I really really wish petty inane things didn't/don't bother me SO much. I keep telling myself that I think too much but at times, it's just a tad bit too hard to ignore. Sometimes, I think I emotionally abuse myself. I ponder on petty inane things too much and I ever so often overanalyze them. See, I'm doing it again, I'm emotionally abusing myself right at this very moment. Ugh, *whimper* I hate it when the night comes 'cause it's when all the emotions come out. Snap out of it, Ee Xin.. SNAP OUT OF IT!


I need to talk to someone but who? I don't know who to go to anymore. I don't know who I can talk to no more. Sure, I have people to talk to but do they get it? They don't. So, what's the point of telling somebody your most intimate feelings when they don't/won't ever understand or give two hoots about it? It's like screaming in a crowded room but no one can hear you. So, I keep everything bottled up until one day, I crack and start bawling like the dam of [insert dam's name here] broke open. And you know what? It feels good and even better every single time I finish crying. I guess I'm pretty fond and used to it already.

*lets out a deep long sigh* Gee, I feel alot better after venting so much. Off to finish things up and catch up with my sleep. There is school tommorow. *groans*

Goodnight, ya'll.