game over, lover boy.

... Moodswings kill. I can't fall asleep and I have this urge to blog.

I hate who I am sometimes. It's been so long since I last shed a tear for someone and I can still recall, the last someone that I cried over was you. I knew how miserable was I then, I knew how bad it hurts. Trust me, I know how it feels. I know exactly how it feels to cry in the shower so no one can hear you, waiting for everyone to be asleep so you can fall apart, for everything to hurt so bad, you just want it all to end. I know exactly how it feels. Well, I've learned my lesson that is to never let someone too close and to never push someone too far. After all, that's been said and done, it was good while it lasted. Yes, I moved on but..

This morning at church, what was that? I thought I moved on and indeed, I did. Then, why was I missing him? Why was I even thinking about him? To the point that I was close to tears but I hold it in and not dare to look at people in the eye, afraid they might see the tears welling up at the back of my eyes because I wanted to appear strong, I wanted to be invulnerable. I didn't want people to see me at my lowest. Perhaps it was because of the weather, the rain. You know how rain and gray skies make me feel. Rain and gray skies give me the blues.

*SIGH*

I guess I was reminiscing about the past again. It always makes me remember all the good times we had and even the bad and how much I still miss you. I just can't seem to find the words to tell you how much I miss you, how much I miss those times we shared together.

I thought what we had was real. Then again, I could be the only one thinking that it's for real. It was real right? Someone please tell me we really did loved each other.

To be honest, I hope someday in the future, we can still be more than just friends although I know it will never happen. 'Cause what is over, is over, there's no turning back.

God, someone please stop me.. This is bad, very bad because the more I type, the more I think about it. I should stop traumatizing myself. I shall end this post this instance. Goodbah.

"Love comes to those who still hope, even though they've been disappointed, and it comes to those who still love even though they have been hurt before." - She said.